


i wish i could un-love you

by aca_bechloe47



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: 'straight' chloe, Angst, Anxiety, F/F, Hurt, Mess, Not Bechloe endgame, One Night Stand, Pining, Two Shot, bechloe - Freeform, bitter sweet ending, gay beca
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:42:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24117451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aca_bechloe47/pseuds/aca_bechloe47
Summary: "Being in love with your straight best friend is a rather difficult position to be in. But Beca had been dealing with it. She had been pushing herself forward. She was getting over it.Maybe not quickly and painlessly but she was doing it!At least as far as she was concerned, she was."Or the one where Beca is hopelessly in love with her best friend and her best friend doesn't feel the same way. Will a drunken mistake be the thing that drives the friends apart for good?
Relationships: Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell
Comments: 17
Kudos: 63





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a one shot but will now have two parts because I wrote a lot of words. This is going to be kinda painful so you've been warned.

Being in love with your straight best friend is a rather difficult position to be in. But Beca had been dealing with it. She had been pushing herself forward. She was getting over it. 

Maybe not quickly and painlessly but she was doing it! 

At least as far as she was concerned, she was. 

As long as she wasn’t thinking about certain things, she almost believed it to. 

Like if Beca didn’t think about how every time Chloe walked into the same room as Beca, the brunette momentarily forgets how to breath. Or how every time the red head laughs, Beca notices how her blue orbs sparkle, and if she looks into them for too long, she could get lost and never find her way back out. Not that she would want to. 

She could believe she was getting over Chloe if she didn’t think about the pain that came every time she saw Chloe with another guy, who didn’t treat her right. Or how angry she became every time Chloe cried on her shoulder because whichever guy she was with at the time broke her heart. 

If she ignored how much Chloe hung on her during Friday movie nights, sometimes practically laying on top of Beca. Or all the sweet things she would do for Beca like bringing her lunch, or picking up a bottle of her favorite drink just because she saw it and thought of Beca.

No, if she just ignored all of her actual feelings, she could believe it. 

She was getting over Chloe Beale. 

She was doing it, damnit! 

Most days she was doing it. 

But not today. Today she was wallowing in self-pity and an overwhelming amount of love for Chloe Beale. The kind that hurt in the best possible way. She couldn’t even be mad that she was in pain, because god… Loving Chloe was the best thing she’s ever felt. 

“Earth to Beca!” Chloe’s voice broke Beca’s train of thought, and self-pity party.   
She looked over at the red head, who had apparently been trying to get Beca’s attention for awhile. “Hm?”

“You okay?” Concern written all over Chloe’s face. 

“Yeah, I’m good. What were you saying?” The brunette asked with a shake of her head, trying to get the subject to change. 

“Okay… Um I was asking if you have room for this?” Chloe asked as she held up a sweatshirt. Beca looked at it questioningly. 

“This isn’t mine, Chlo…” Beca observed. 

“I know. But you always steal it from me, so I want you to have it.” Chloe explained. She walked over and sat on Beca’s bed, next to one of her suitcases. She looked around the room absentmindedly. Taking in the scene of her life in boxes. 

“I can’t believe this is it.” Beca sighed in disbelief. She walked over and sat down next to Chloe, who put her head on the brunettes shoulder instantly, almost like it’s where it belonged. Beca rested her head against Chloe’s. 

“You’re going to be so amazing.” Chloe whispered out. There was a weird lack of emotion in her tone, almost like she was holding something back. “I’m so proud of you, Bec.”

Beca smiled at the nickname. 

“It’s not going to be the same without you.” She explained. “I don’t know how to go out into the world without you by my side.”

“I know you can do this. Plus, I’ll always be there for you. Supporting you.” Her best friend explained. 

Beca was leaving for LA tomorrow, leaving Chloe here in their hometown of Barden, Georgia. Chloe would be moving up to New York next month but they were literally going to be on opposite sides of the country from each other. It’s the furthest they’ve ever been from one another, since they became friends their Freshman year of high school. 

“I know.” Beca closed her eyes, trying to fight the tears that were threatening to break the surface. “I’m going to miss you.” 

“Me too.” Chloe nodded her head slightly, moving Beca’s head with hers. Chloe let out a soft laugh that pulled a smile onto Beca’s lips.

“What?” She asked with a small laugh of her own. 

“Do you remember your first day at Barden?” Chloe asked, bringing memories to Beca’s mind, causing her to laugh. 

“How could I forget?” She asked through her laughter. 

“You were so lost and scared. Like a scared little puppy.” Chloe explained. “I took one look at you and just knew I needed to save you.”  
Beca scoffed at that. “You freaking accosted me! Scared me more than I was before.”

The two best friends burst into laughter. 

“Best choice I ever made was accosting you that day.” Chloe sighed. Beca couldn’t help but agree. 

“I’m definitely grateful for it.” She sighed. 

“You know, I was talking to my mom the other day and she made this analogy about life and I couldn’t help but think about you when she was talking.” Chloe explained. “Do you want to hear it?”

Mrs. Beale was known for her life lessons and analogies. They were usually pretty good and if one made Chloe think about Beca, then of course she wanted to hear it. “Sure.”

“She told me that life is like a puzzle. Each person or event in your life is part of the puzzle and it all comes together to make your life.” Chloe explained. “So there’s like the main picture and then there’s like little outlying pieces. You need all of them to see the full picture. There are people like your family that help make up a huge chunk of your picture and then there are people like people from high school that make up sort of the outlying pieces. You might not know how important a piece is at first to your puzzle but it could be one of the pieces that turns your puzzle into an actual picture.”

Beca nodded her head as she listened. Thinking about her ow life puzzle and how important Chloe was to it.

“Beca, I hope you know how big of a place you have in my puzzle.” Chloe sighed. 

A pang shot through the brunette’s heart. Hearing the emotion in her voice, the words she used. God it made her feel like maybe… just maybe Chloe felt the same way. 

“You’re my best friend and you’ll always be my friend, no matter what!” Chloe stated. 

_Friend. ‘You’ll always be my friend.’_

Beca felt like the ‘friend zoned’ shit was just that, shit. It’s not the other persons fault they don’t feel the same way as you. You can’t possibly blame them for that. It’s not Chloe’s job to return Beca’s feelings. 

But when she says shit like that. When she talks about how important Beca is in her life… God, it’s so easy to just let her mind go to that place. Allow herself to hope, even if it is just for a second and it’s misguided.

That brief moment of hope always ended up hurting more then it felt good. But she couldn’t help but do it. It just always happened that way. 

“You’ll always be my best friend too, Chlo.” Beca explained. She hoped that the emotion of the moment would help mask her disappointment. 

Either it did or Chloe noticed and just didn’t draw attention to it. 

Instead, the two friends sat in a comfortable silence together, Chloe playing with Beca’s fingers absentmindedly. Beca’s eyes slid closed and she allowed herself to revel in the moment. 

_I love you._ Beca thought as she pictured Chloe in her mind. Thinking the three words she would never be able to say aloud. 

“So, how much more packing do you need to do?” Chloe asked, breaking the comfortable silence. 

“All I have is just the stuff I need for tomorrow.” Beca explained. She opened here eyes and looked around her childhood bedroom. It was weird to see it so… empty. 

“Is it too late to like not go?” Beca asked. She knew it was a ridiculous question. She was going to go. She just wanted to drag Chloe along with her. 

“Shut up, weirdo.” Chloe pushed Beca lightly. “You’re going to be amazing.”

Beca sighed. “I don’t know about that, but I’m going to try.”

“Beca, your music is amazing and the people in LA have no idea what’s about to hit them. You’re going to take that place by storm.” Chloe explained and sent Beca a reassuring smile. 

“Beca, can you come downstairs for a sec!” Beca’s dad called from the bottom of the stairs. 

“Coming!” She yelled back. She stood up and left Chloe alone in her room. 

“What’s up?” Beca asked as she walked down and found her dad and step-mom in the living room. 

“Well, since you’re going to LA tomorrow, we wanted to give you something.” Her dad explained. 

Warren Mitchell, Beca’s dad, wasn’t exactly happy about his daughters choice to skip college and go straight to LA. However, with Beca’s determination to be everything she could be. To make the most of her talent, he eventually relented, realizing just how good at it all she was. 

Beca didn’t expect anything from him though. He had made it clear that he wouldn’t help her unless she went to at least one year of college, and that wasn’t happening.

He put his hand out to her, holding a card. Beca took it. “Can I?” She asked looking down at it, not sure if she should open it.

“Of course.” Sheila smiled at her. “This is just a little something to help you out, out there.”

Beca opened it and saw inside there was a bunch of bills. Far more then probably necessary. 

“Use this money to pay your rent for the first few months or get groceries or something so you don’t have to stress out so much about money.” Her dad explained.

Beca’s eyes welled up with tears. 

“Thank you,” She smiled. 

Beca had saved up enough money to go three months without work out there but this, this was going to help so much. 

She pulled her dad into a very uncharacteristic hug. 

“Love you, Bec.” Her dad sighed as he hugged her back. 

“Love you too.” She responded. 

After letting go of her dad, she pulled Sheila into a hug as well. 

“Go kick some ass out there, kid.” Her step-mom sighed. 

“I’ll do my best.” Beca laughed. 

She thanked her parents one last time before turning and heading back upstairs, to where Chloe was waiting for her. 

She walked in and opened her mouth to say something when she noticed Chloe was holding a piece of paper, a distant shocked look written all over her face.

“What is that?” Beca asked, not recognizing it. 

“Why don’t you tell me?” Chloe asked, a void of emotion in her words. 

Beca put her hand out for it and sucked in a sharp breath when she realized what it was. 

_“Dear Chloe,_   
_I’m a coward. I’m such a coward and you’ll never read this but I just need to get it out of my head. I need to somehow put this all out there. Even if you’ll never find out…”_

It was her handwriting. She knew exactly what this was. “Where did you find this?” 

“It was in your desk. I was making sure you got all your stuff out of it. I saw my name written on the front.” Chloe explained. 

“Did you… Did you read it?” Beca asked, worry boiling up inside her. 

This cannot be happening… Not on her last day in Barden. Not on her last day to spend time with Chloe. God this cannot be happening! 

“Is it true?” Chloe asked, answering Beca’s question in her own.

Beca stared at her, panic rising in her chest. She felt as though she were suffocating. Her world seemed to be closing in on her. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

“Is it true, Beca?” Chloe asked again, after a long pause. “You need to tell me!”

The worry was evident in Chloe’s tone. Her eyes screamed for Beca to say something, anything. 

“Beca why did you write that?” Chloe asked, a chocked sob coming out. 

“I’m sorry.” Beca finally sighed. She looked down, unable to see the hurt and almost betrayal in Chloe’s eyes. 

“So you are?” Chloe’s voice was small, barely above a whisper. “You’re in love with me?”

“I…” Beca looked up into her best friends eyes. What the fuck was she supposed to say? The letter had no date, she could lie and say she was over it… But what was the point? Chloe knew. She knew and there was nothing Beca could do to change that. “Yes.” 

Chloe took in a sharp breath, just looking at Beca for a second. “Beca… why didn’t you…”

Chloe began but cut herself off, almost as if she didn’t know what to say anymore. 

“What could I have said?” Beca asks. “Nothing would have changed the way you’re looking at me right now. You don’t feel the same way, I know that. Okay? I know that and that’s why I never told you.”

“You could have talked to me, Beca.” Chloe tried to counter, but even the look on her face said otherwise. 

“Really? Because you look like you’re ready to bolt out of this room.” The brunette pointed out. “I get it, okay. I get that this is new for you and I didn’t intend for you to find out. I… I didn’t want you to. Because you are my best friend. I knew this would ruin us.” 

Chloe stayed quiet. Tears streamed down her face as she just looked at Beca. 

“I have to go.” Chloe chocked out, she quickly picked up her bag and rushed past Beca. 

“Chloe, wait!” Beca tried to call out but it was too late, Chloe was gone. 

Beca’s tear filled eyes looked down at the letter. The words blurred together but she already knew what it said. She’s read it so many times, she knows it by heart. 

Dear Chloe,

I’m a coward. I’m such a coward and you’ll never read this but I just need to get it out of my head. I need to somehow put this all out there. Even if you’ll never find out. 

See the truth is, you are the greatest person I know. You are the kindest, most loving person. You have a heart of gold and you could love anyone. I mean you took me in for god’s sake. 

I know that you’re supportive of me being out. You were the first person I told and you’ve always been by my side, ever since. Always trying to help me find someone who would make me happy. But I have to tell you the truth. I can’t keep hiding it anymore. 

The truth is, Chloe, I love you. 

I’m in love with you. 

And no matter how hard I try to not be, I just am. I can’t stop it. I can’t change it. I can’t do anything about it. Trust me, I’ve tried. I’ve spent so long just trying to get over you. Because you’re my best friend. You’re the only person who has ever truly gotten me. 

I can’t lose you.

So I have to figure out how to get over you. How to move on from you. 

I just don’t know how. So, until then, I love you. 

More then you’ll ever know.

-Beca

The tears continued to cascade down the brunette’s face. She felt so empty, so alone. What the hell was she supposed to do now? She just lost the one person she never thought she would and it’s all her fault. 

* * *

**A Year Later**

* * *

“Beca, Jesse needs you in Studio B.” One of the other interns came into the break room where Beca was getting coffee for the producing staff.

“What?” Beca asked, she turned to see who was talking. Why would Jesse need to see her?

“Jesse, said he needed to see you.” The intern explained again before walking away. 

Beca hurried and finished up the coffee before heading down the hall to the studio he would be in. 

“You wanted to see me?” Beca asked as she walked in, holding out Jesse’s coffee for him. 

“Yeah, come on in.” Jesse motioned for her and took the cup but put it down, turning back to Beca. “Your song that you gave to me to listen to. I wanted to talk to you about it.”

Beca’s eyes grew wide, she hadn’t realized he would actually listen to it. 

“Dancing On My Own. I really think it has a lot of potential.” Jesse explained. 

Jesse was one of the head producers at J&C Records. He was her boss. Sure he was known to be the more like relaxed but this was one of the leading producers in the US music industry and he was complimenting Beca’s work. Like what the fuck…

“I’m assuming you’re open for some notes?” He asked and motioned for Beca to take a seat. 

“Yeah, yeah definitely.” Beca nodded her head eagerly.

“So I think you’ve got too much happening in the song. It’s one we can strip down rather easily and keep the emotion still strong, in fact it would really help hold that emotion if it was just piano.” Jesse explained. 

Beca preceded to take in everything that he was saying. They talked and pushed around ideas about the song for at least an hour. 

Only ending when Jesse’s phone rang. 

Beca couldn’t believe they had just had that conversation. That they had basically build the song together.

After Jesse got off the phone he turned back to Beca. 

“Alright, so I want to get together, and relook at your contract with us. I want to sign you.” Jesse stated. 

“Wait, are you serious?” Beca asked, for the second time in the last hour being blind sighted by something so amazing.

“Absolutely, you have a real talent for this.” Jesse nodded his head. “I’ll talk with Calamity and have our lawyers draw something up for you. And as far as Dancing On My Own goes, that song needs to be heard.”

“Oh my god, thank you!” Beca said in an uncharacteristically excited voice. 

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow and get details sorted out.” Jesse promised. “I look forward to working with you more.”   
Beca took that as her cue to leave. 

“Thank you again, Jesse.” Beca smiled before leaving the studio. 

She truly felt like she was on cloud nine. She pulled out her phone and called her best friend. 

_“Sup, Shortstack?_ ” Stacie’s voice filled Beca’s ears.

“It’s happening.” Beca whispered in disbelief. 

_“What’s happening?”_ Stacie asked, clearly confused by the music producers lack of explanation. 

“Jesse liked one of my songs. He wants it to be produced. Stacie he wants to like sign me!” Beca explained, the more she talked the more excited she became.

“Dude, it’s happening. I’m finally going to produce music.” 

_“What!?!? Beca that’s huge!!!”_ Stacie yelled in excitement. _“Oh my god, dude that’s amazing!! I’m so proud of you!”_

“Oh my god, I don’t even know what to do.” Beca explained. 

_“What song was it?”_ The other girl inquired. 

“Dancing On My Own.” Beca stated. Stacie was the one who had suggested Beca give him that song. “You were right about it, he loved it.” 

_“Beca, I’m so proud of you. I know how much that song means to you. How tough of a thing it is. But you did it.”_

Stacie had become one of Beca’s first friends when she moved to LA. She had been the one who helped Beca heal after everything that happened with Chloe. She was the very first person Beca told the full story to. In fact she’s the only person Beca’s ever told the full story to. 

Stacie was an incredible friend, someone that Beca knew she needed and honestly couldn’t live without. She have been encouraging Beca to reach out to Chloe. But she just couldn’t do it. The thought of reaching out to Chloe, facing her again, it was just too much.

They hadn’t talked since that night. 

Chloe had tried to call Beca a few times. But Beca was so broken, so hurt by everything she just couldn’t answer or call her back. Of course, Beca wasn’t proud of it.

She knew that she should have grown the fuck up and just answered the phone.

But she was a coward. 

She ran away from Chloe and from the truth, because that was easier then facing it all. That was easier then stopping and dealing with the aftermath of the wreck she made. 

She just couldn’t do it. 

So instead of facing Chloe, she wrote songs about her. She had folders upon folders dedicated to Chloe. To the pain. The love. The destruction. Songs with lyrics and just instrumental. She had mashups that made her think about the red head and the way her heart ached every time she thought of her. 

Beca tried to convince herself she didn’t love Chloe Beale anymore. She tried to tell herself that as soon as that became true, she would reach out to Chloe. She would talk to her. As soon as the mere thought of Chloe didn’t break her heart, she would let her back in. 

She’d been saying that since the day Chloe walked out of her life, and Beca didn’t do anything to stop her. 

So she wrote songs about her instead. 

Thus, Dancing On My Own. She wrote it thinking back to hers and Chloe’s senior prom. She had gone alone because Chloe begged her to go. She ended up just watching Chloe dance with Tom, her boyfriend. The pain of that night, watching Chloe dance with him, it was the reason she wrote the letter in the first place. That song was also the first song she wrote after Chloe found out. IT was the first song she wrote in LA. And it was the one she knew she would never share with anyone. That is until Stacie came along. 

_“Tonight we celebrate.”_ Stacie’s voice broke through Beca’s thoughts. 

“Yeah, yeah definitely.” Beca nodded her head as she said it. “I’ll text you when I’m on my way out of work.”

_“K, congrats Becs. I’m serious. You deserve this.”_

“See you soon, Stace.” Beca stated before ending the call. 

She walked back into the office building and up to the studio managers desk. “Hey, is there a studio open right now?” 

“Yeah, ‘A’ is for the next hour and a half.” She explained. 

“Can I book it?” Beca asked. She signed it out and headed into the studio. 

She walked in and closed the door. Turning on the busy sign. She needed to be out of there within an hour and that was just fine. All she wanted to do is work on the song for a bit before she left for the day. 

Her fingers slid across the piano and she began to play, smiling as she did so. 

_“Somebody said you got a new friend._   
_Does he love you better than I can?”_

* * *

**Six Months Later**   
**Chloe’s POV**

* * *

_“You’re listening to On Air with Ryan Seacrest. My next guest is the writer and artist behind the newest hit song that we are about to play for you guys. Here’s Dancing On My Own by Beca Mitchell.”_

Chloe came to a dead stop when she heard the name. She listened intently as the song began to play and her voice filled her ears. She couldn’t really focus on the words, all she could hear was Beca. Her, Beca, singing on national radio… 

Beca had a single out. She did it. She put her work out there. 

By the time the chorus came around she could finally focus on the words. She could hear the pain in Beca’s tone as she sang. 

_“I’m in the corner, watching you kiss him (oooh)_   
_I’m right over here, why can’t you see me (oooh)_   
_I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the one you’re taking home (uuuh)_   
_I keep dancing on my own”_

Chloe found herself lost in the words. In the message. Tears streamed down her face with each new verse. 

_“I’m just gonna dance all night_   
_I’m all messed up, I’m so out of line_   
_stilettos and broken bottles_   
_I’m spinning around in circles_

_“I’m in the corner, watching you kiss him (oooh)_   
_I’m right over here, why can’t you see me (oooh)_   
_I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the one you’re taking home (uuuh)_   
_I keep dancing on my own_

_“So far away, but still so near_   
_the lights go on, the music dies_   
_but you don’t see me, standing here_   
_I just came to say goodbye_

_“I’m in the corner, watching you kiss him (oooh)_   
_I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the one you’re taking home (uuuh)_   
_I keep dancing on my own_

_“I’m in the corner, watching you kiss him (oooh)_   
_I’m right over here, why can’t you see me (oooh)_   
_I’m giving it my all, but i’m not the one you’re taking home (uuuh)_   
_I keep dancing on my own_

_“So far away, but still so near_   
_The lights come up, the music dies._   
_But you don’t see me standing here.”_

_“Ladies and gentleman, that was Dancing On My Own by Beca Mitchell.”_ Ryan Seacrest’s voice filled Chloe’s ears. She brushed the stray tears. The pain in the song reminded her so much of the last time she saw Beca. When the truth came out and she ran away instead of facing it. Listening to what Beca had to say. _“Joining us now on the show is the writer and singer of that song, Beca Mitchell. Hi Beca, thanks for joining us.”_

 _“Oh my god, hi.”_ Beca’s voice filled Chloe’s ears again. She fought the urge to turn the radio off, to not listen to her old best friend’s voice. But she was also so damn proud of her. She had done it! She had fulfilled her dream! She was on the fucking radio! _“Thank you for having me.”_

 _“So this is your first single, correct?”_ Ryan asked. 

_“Yeah, I have a few more that are in the works but this is the first one.”_ Beca explained, Chloe could heart the excitement in her voice. It made her smile. 

_“When did you write this song?”_ Ryan inquired. _“It seems like a very personal story.”_

 _“Yeah, it’s very close to my heart. I wrote this song shortly after I moved to LA last year. You know sometimes you’re not the one for someone, who you’re so certain is the one for you and writing this song was my sort of way of working through that.”_ Beca explained easily. Chloe felt a pang in her heart. She didn’t want to be conceded but couldn’t help but wonder if this song was written with her in mind. 

_“It’s almost like the anti-storybook ending.”_ Ryan suggested. 

_“Exactly! You have no control over love. You can’t control who you love and you can’t control them loving you back or not.”_ She added on. 

_“So you’re from Barden, Georgia, correct?”_ He asked, and Beca confirmed. _“You moved to LA a year and a half ago and got a job at J &C Records as an intern, and then Jesse Swanson heard your song, correct?”_

 _“Yeah, Jesse offered to listen to some of my stuff and he fell in love with Dancing On My Own and it kind of went from there. We ended up working closely on this song and then the next couple of singles that are coming out will also be a collaboration with him.”_ Beca explained. 

_“A year and a half in LA and you’re already making it big, that’s like unheard of Beca.”_ Ryan explained, his shock and amazement evident in his tone. “ _Beca, thank you so much for being on the show with us today and for joining us over the call. Tomorrow you’ll be on Good Morning America, correct?”_

 _“Yeah, I’m in New York right now and will be singing on GMA tomorrow.”_ Beca explained. Chloe felt her heart stop for the millionth time in the last ten minutes. Beca was here. In New York. They were in the same city again… 

_“Well everyone check Beca Mitchell out tomorrow on Good Morning America, and go download her song Dancing On My Own, available now everywhere! Thank you so much, Beca!”_

_“Thank you so much, Ryan.”_ Beca concluded before hanging up and leaving Ryan alone to carry on the show. 

It went unheard by Chloe because all she could think about was how Beca was in New York. 

Pulling out her phone, her fingers went on autopilot and clicked on Beca’s contact. She wasn’t sure if the brunette had the same number, but she was going to at least try. 

_Chloe: Beca, I just heard your song!! Oh my god!!! It’s so beautiful and I’m so freaking proud of you! I knew you could do this!!!! Call me!!! :D_

Chloe sent the text and cringed as she realized how many exclamation points, she used… Oh well there was no taking it back now. 

She was surprised when her phone came to life just a few minutes later. She looked down to see that Beca was calling her. 

“Hello?” Chloe answered cautiously. 

_“Hey, Chloe.”_ Beca’s voice filled her ears for the second time today and it brought a huge smile to Chloe’s face. 

“I’m glad you called.” Chloe explained. 

* * *

* * *

Beca sat nervously in the coffee shop that she and Chloe had agreed upon. To say she was anxious would be the understatement of the year. In fact she was more nervous about seeing Chloe then she was about performing on GMA tomorrow… 

She checked her phone for the millionth time, Chloe wasn’t late, in fact Beca was just ridiculously early. She doesn’t really know how Chloe talked her into it, meeting for coffee but she did. 

So Beca sat there, in the unfamiliar café and waited anxiously for the arrival of her former best friend and the women she was still in love with. 

Beca could recognize Chloe anywhere. The women who’s smile shined brighter then her clear blue eyes. Her breath caught in her throat when she spotted Chloe at the entrance, right before she saw Beca. 

God, she looked the exact same. 

Beca stood up and motioned for Chloe, who beamed when she finally found the brunette. She beelined over to Beca and pulled her into a hug. This hug… God, it felt like coming home. 

“Hi,” Chloe smiled as she squeezed Beca just a little tighter than before. 

“Hi,” Beca’s voice was watery, full of emotion. Nothing on this planet could compare to a Chloe Beale hug. Nothing felt as loving and welcoming as these moments.

She didn’t want this moment to end. She didn’t want to let go of Chloe, out of fear that she would never feel like this again. 

But eventually they did pull away, Chloe just stepped back for a moment and looked at Beca, almost as if she were trying to take her in. 

“It’s so good to see you, Bec.” Chloe beamed at her, so many emotions swimming around in her eyes. 

Beca smiled, not trusting herself to respond. “I uh I’m not sure what you drink now so I just ordered you your old favorite.” 

“Thank you,” Chloe smiled as they took their seats. 

Things had never been awkward with Chloe. It had always just been so easy. So… natural. 

But not now. Now there was a huge uncertainty in the air. Beca didn’t know if she was the only one who could feel it or if Chloe felt it too. If she did, she didn’t show it. 

“Beca, I know I told you this already but my god, I am so freaking proud of you!” Chloe explained. She was being genuine. This was Chloe, she only knew how to be genuine and real. “I always knew you could do it.” 

“Thank you,” Beca smiled softly. She felt so fake right now… She felt like she was betraying Chloe by being there with her. Sure, she had told herself she was going to try to get over Chloe, for both their sakes. She was going to try her best to get over her feelings for her. But she knew it was going to be hard. 

Not only did she still have feelings for her, the reason her career had taken off was because of those feelings. It was because of her heart completely shattering. 

If none of that would have ever happened, Beca never would have written Dancing, Jesse most likely wouldn’t have even realized she existed, and Beca would still just be another no body. 

So, having Chloe congratulate her on a song that was written because of her, it just seemed so damn… wrong. 

“And you’re being interviewed by Ryan Seacrest and Good Morning America, like Beca you’re freaking doing it!” Chloe continued. 

“Yeah, it’s kinda crazy.” Beca laughed softly and shook her head, still not sure how to even begin to process her sudden success. The last few months had gone by in a blur and had been some of the busiest months of her life. “I almost can’t believe it, honestly.” 

“Well believe it, Bec, because here you are.” Chloe beamed at her. 

“So uh, how have you been?” Beca asked, needing the subject to be about anything other then her stupid career that was secretly due to Chloe breaking her heart. 

“I’ve been good.” Chloe nodded her head, catching onto Beca’s desire to change the subject. “I’ve been pretty busy with work and school. College is kind of crazy but I really love it…”

Chloe preceded to tell Beca all about her life over the past 18 months. 

It was nice to be sitting here with Chloe again. Felt almost like old times. 

Beca found herself getting lost in Chloe company. The ease of being friends with her seemed to wrap around her like an old familiar blanket. 

It was easy to go back to how they used to be. To go back to being best friends who could spend hours talking about everything and nothing at all. 

It was so nice. So easy. So welcoming. 

They found themselves laughing at one point at some stupid memory Chloe had brought up from high school. 

“Oh man, I’ve missed this.” Chloe sighed as she brushed away the tears that had fallen from laughing so hard. 

“Me too,” Beca agreed, still laughing lightly. 

She really did miss it. She missed Chloe so much. She missed the fun loving red head. The girl who always managed to make Beca feel seen and cared for. The girl who didn’t care how awkward Beca was or how sarcastic she was and socially inept she was. 

The girl who just always seemed to know what Beca was trying to say without her actually needing to say it. Beca always appreciated that about Chloe. 

“Can we agree to like not do that again?” Chloe asked. Beca didn’t need her to clarify on what she was talking about it but she continued anyway. “Like run away from our issues. Not talk for 18 months.” 

Beca nodded her head. “Yeah, let’s not do that again.” 

Beca felt like everything was going to be okay between them. Like they were going to get through their shit. 

This was Chloe after all. Chloe loved Beca, maybe not in the way Beca wanted, but she cared more than just about anyone else. This was Chloe. Her Chloe. 

They were going to be okay. Hey had to be okay. Beca couldn’t do this without her. She needed Chloe in her life.

They were going to be okay. 

* * *

**A Month Later**

* * *

Beca and Chloe had continued to talk regularly everyday since Beca’s visit to New York. They had talked a bit about what happened right before Beca moved to LA, but they hadn’t really… talked about it. They just kind of skirted around the real issue. 

They both agreed it was stupid that they didn’t talk about it that night, yet they hadn’t actually talked about it… Still. 

It was beginning to weight heavily on Beca. But she also didn’t know how to bring it up, or if she should even bring it up. Should she wait for Chloe to do it? She should just ignore it like the red head seemed to be doing? She just didn’t know. 

Beca’s mind had been so absent lately, so consumed by where her and Chloe were at with their friendship, that people were beginning to notice. 

“Dude, are you okay?” Stacie asked Beca one night while she was over. 

“Yeah, why?” Beca asked absentmindedly. She was only half listening to the conversation. 

“Since you got back from New York last month, you’ve been a bit… distant.” Stacie explained. “I know you and Chloe talked, how’s that going?”

Beca looked over at her for the first time in the last ten minutes. “Honestly? I have no idea.” 

She let out a low sigh of frustration. “Like things with her are good. We’ve been talking every day since I got back, and it feels like old times. Like we’re back to where we were when we were teenagers.”

“And that’s the problem?” Stacie asked curiously, already sensing where Beca was going.

“Exactly! We’re back to the same old shit, the only difference is now Chloe knows. But I still can’t talk to her about it.” She ran her hands through her hair, needing to do something to keep herself from yelling out in annoyance. “Like she knows and we’re just ignoring it and talking to her is only making it harder to not have those feelings again.”

“Beca, you owe it to her and yourself to be honest about what you’re feeling. Pushing it all down is only going to cause things to blow up in the end.” Stacie pointed out. “Like it did the first time.” 

“What the hell am I supposed to say to her?” Beca asked in exasperation. “Hey Chloe, so do you remember that one small detail about me being in love with you? Yeah, the one that tore us apart? So uh, where we at with that?”

“Well I mean I’d go with something a little less dramatic, but why not!” Stacie smirked at the shorter brunette. “She’s coming out here next week, right?” 

“Yeah, she flies in on Friday.” Beca explained, deciding to not even respond to her earlier comment. “She’s only staying until Monday though.” 

“Beca, I know you care a lot about Chloe, not just the fact that you’re still in love with her but the fact that she’s someone extremely important to you. Just… be careful.” Stacie cautioned. Beca didn’t understand why she was warning Beca but she simply nodded her head, taking her friends advise. 

“I will be.” Beca promised. She had to trust herself to not let things get out of hand again. She had to believe in herself enough to know that she’d changed in that time she was away from Chloe. She just had to have faith in herself that things were going to be okay. 

They were going to be okay.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Part 2. Brace yourselves... it's a doozy.

* * *

**Friday**

* * *

Beca found herself being rather nervous. Seeing Chloe in New York had been nerve-racking but she was now coming to LA. She was going to be in Beca’s world. Her home. 

It just made everything feel so… real. 

Beca couldn’t help but beam as she watched Chloe walk out into the terminal, where Beca was waiting for her. Her eyes scanned the room and her own smile filled her lips as she spotted the musician. 

“Hey,” Chloe greeted as she pulled Beca into a tight hug. 

“Hi,” Beca returned both the greeting and the hug. Reveling in the embrace. The feeling of coming home that washed over her. Once they pulled apart Beca spoke again. “How was your flight?”

“It was pretty good. You know how much I just love flying.” Chloe stated sarcastically, because no, Chloe did not like flying.

“Almost as much as I love public speaking.” Beca quipped back, she grabbed Chloe’s bag for her, and they began to walk out to LAX. 

“So, my hotel isn’t that far from your apartment,” Chloe began to explain.

“Chloe, I told you that you could stay in my guest room. There’s no reason for you to pay for a hotel room.” Beca countered. She kept her eyes on the traffic in front of her as she spoke, only looking over briefly a few times. 

“Bec, I don’t want to be an inconvenience for you.” Chloe explained. It was a half-assed excuse and they both knew it. 

“You’re going to be spending the whole weekend with me anyway, Chlo. It would be more of an inconvenience to have to drop you off at the hotel and pick you up.” Beca pointed out, again. Just like she had done the first three times Chloe brought up getting a hotel room. “Call and cancel it, you’re staying in my guest room.” 

“Are you sure?” The red head asked, being weirdly cautious. 

“Dude, if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be offering.” Beca pointed out. They both knew the statement was true. That was just who Beca was. 

“Alright.” Chloe nodded and pulled out her phone to cancel the room. 

Beca and Chloe continued to talk the rest of the drive to Beca’s apartment. Most of it was small talk, stuff that didn’t really matter. Things about who from high school is dating, married, or pregnant. 

They talked about Stacie, Chloe wanted to know all about her. 

They talked about Chloe’s love life, and Beca’s lack thereof. 

They talked about everything and anything. 

Beca pulled up to her apartment gate and she put in her code, to get into the underground garage. 

Chloe looked around in awe at the building. She had never been somewhere as nice as this. 

“How long have you lived here?” Chloe asked, turning to Beca as the brunette drove into the garage. 

“I’ve been here for like two months.” She explained. 

Chloe continued to look in awe as they walked into the elevator, rode up to the top floor, as they walked down the hall and into Beca’s penthouse apartment. She had not mentioned the label got her a penthouse…

“What do you think?” Beca asked as they walked in. Chloe’s eyes scanned across the two-bedroom apartment. She took in how simple, yet beautiful it was. How Beca-like it was. 

“Beca, look at this place! It’s amazing!” Chloe praised. She pulled Beca into another hug. “I know it’s just an apartment but Beca, you have this apartment in LA… Like that’s insane!”

Beca laughed softly and returned the hug. She felt a surge of pride fill her heart briefly. 

“I’ll show you the guest room.” Beca explained. They walked through the open plan living room/kitchen/dining room area, heading further back into the apartment where the bathroom was as well as the two rooms. 

“This is my room.” Beca pointed out and then turned to the door on the other side of the hall, “And this is the guest room.” 

Chloe walked in. The room was simple but had a light blue theme to it. Beca wouldn’t admit it but the colors reminded her of Chloe’s eyes. 

“So the bathroom is the door to the left, when you go into the hall. I have a bathroom in my room so it’s all yours.” Beca explained. 

“You’re such a good host.” Chloe teased at how formal Beca was being. Beca rolled her eyes and mentally yelled at herself to loosen up… 

This was just Chloe.

The same Chloe who was there when her parents divorced. The same Chloe who held Beca’s hair back the first time she got drunk and had just a little too much.

This was Chloe, the girl who used to hang out in Beca’s room all weekend and watch episode of Friends and Gilmore Girls more times than Beca can even count. 

This was her Chloe. Not some random stranger. 

“I do my best.” Beca retorted. “So, I know you’re only here for the weekend so what do you want to do?”

“Got any fun clubs we can go to?” Chloe asked with a smirk. 

“It’s LA… There are a few that come to mind.” Beca laughed. 

* * *

* * *

Beca didn’t know what she expected to happen when she and Chloe went to the club. She knew that Chloe wasn’t going to spend the whole time with her. It would be stupid of her to even consider that. But watching Chloe who was currently grinding against a random stranger, made her sick. 

It made her heart hurt in a way she wasn’t used to. Or at least in a way that she hadn’t felt in a while. It made her think of the whole reason she wrote that damn song in the first place. 

Watching a man put his mouth on Chloe’s ear, his hands roaming around her body, touching places he had no right to. 

God it was like voluntary torture. No not like, it was. She was voluntarily allowing herself to be tortured by this ugly ass stranger, who had absolutely no real chance of being with Chloe, but was still touching Chloe, holding Chloe, being with Chloe in a way Beca never would be. 

God, she was pathetic. 

Needing fresh air, Beca stood up and headed out to the smoking area. 

She wasn’t exactly proud of herself for picking up the habit but hey, it could be worse. 

She pulled out the pack of cigarettes. 

“Hey, can I bum a light?” Beca asked one of the girls standing out there. 

“Yeah, no problem.” She smiled at Beca and lit the smoke. Beca nodded a thanks and set back against the wall, taking in a long drag, feeling the instant relief wash over her. 

Beca allowed her eyes to slid closed for a moment, sinking into the sensation. She needed her mind to clear. She needed to not think about what was happening in the club right now. 

When she opened her eyes, she breathed out, and watched the smoke as it twisted and flew through the air. Spotting the different shapes that formed in the white vaper, as they danced across the dim light. 

After finishing her cigarette, Beca took in a deep breath, feeling much calmer then before and headed back into the club. She wanted Chloe to have fun, that was why she was here and Beca was just going to have to get over it. Despite how much she wanted it, Chloe wasn’t hers. 

Chloe wasn’t hers and that’s okay. 

They were going to be okay.

* * *

**Sunday Night**

* * *

“Bec, you can’t be serious right now!” Chloe laughed. “You haven’t seen the newest Gilmore Girls?! Come on that used to be our thing!”

Beca rolled her eyes. “No, that was your thing. You forced me to watch it with you, against my will might I add.”

“Oh please! You loved it and you know it!” Chloe countered. Beca rolled her eyes but didn’t try to deny it. “We’re watching it!” 

“Dude, it’s been a long ass time since I’ve seen the actual show… I probably won’t even know what’s happening.” Beca sighed. “let’s watch a Disney movie or something. You always liked those.”

“We’re watching Gilmore Girls, so shut up, grab your beer and get your ass over here.” Chloe ordered, she had a stern look on her face but her eyes seemed to smile; bright and beautiful.

Beca shook her head but did as she was told. 

Settling in beside Chloe, with her beer in hand. Chloe navigated through Netflix until she found what she was looking for. 

The voice montage at the beginning of the first episode made Beca smile. It brought so many memories back to her. Most of them of her and Chloe, in this same position, but instead of being in Beca’s bed, they were on her couch. 

Chloe snuggled into Beca’s side and shrieked when Rory and Lorelai popped up on the screen. 

Beca laughed at her excitement and allowed herself to sink into the girls embrace. 

* * *

* * *

In between the first and second episode, Chloe made a declaration. “I want to like drink. Actually drink!” 

“What do you mean?” Beca asked, motioning to the beers in hers and Chloe’s hands. 

“Do you have any hard liquor?” Chloe asked, clarifying herself. 

“Yeah, what do you want?” Beca asked as she moved to stand up. 

“Let’s just drink some Vodka.” Chloe suggested. 

“On it,” Beca nodded her head and headed into the kitchen. She pulled out the bottle and two shot glasses before heading back into the living room. 

“Take a shot every time they drink Coffee and when Lorelai says something sarcastic?” Chloe suggested. 

“Dude, do you want to get super drunk?” Beca asked with a laugh.

“Why not! It’s not like we have anything to do until I catch my flight tomorrow night.” The red head pointed out. 

“You’re not wrong.” Beca laughed and they set back and continued watching the next episode and began their drinking game. 

Arguments arose of what was sarcasm and what was Lorelai just being Lorelai. The familiarity of the conversation was comfortable and fun. 

There really were going to be okay.

* * *

* * *

Chloe’s laugh reverberated around the room, causing Beca to laugh with her, not entirely sure why they were laughing at all. 

“Oh my god, it hurts.” Beca said struggling to breathe as she was laughing too hard. 

“Do you remember that one time when CR was singing the solo part for Over The Rainbow and Bumper Allen started booing her, so she went and sat on his lap as she sang the rest of the song?” Chloe asked, laughing through the ridiculous memory.

“Oh my god, that was the best assembly we had.” Beca burst out in her own fit of laughter, again. 

“Or that one time when we were in math class, Mr. Otten was talking about graphs and asked us what kind of graph it was, I leaned forward and whispered in your ear, ‘Tears of sadness’?” Chloe brought up the next memory. 

“Yeah, because I got in trouble for it!” Beca pointed out.

“Oh my god, I totally forgot about that!” The red head laughed even harder as she remembered how Beca had been give ten demerits for laughing during the lesson and interrupting it. He hadn’t even heard Chloe. “Isn’t that why you got that detention that Donald and Luke were in?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” Beca said with a roll of her eyes, but the laugh slipped through anyway. 

An easy silence fell over the friends and they slowly began to refocus on the previously abandoned show. Somehow, they had gone from watching Gilmore Girls to the Jim Carrey version of The Grinch. Never mind, the fact that it was mid-June.

Chloe seemed to snuggle in closer to Beca, almost to the point she was laying on top of the brunette. 

Beca stared absentmindedly at the screen, the buzz of her drunkenness rolling through her body. Her mind filled with hazy and unorganized thoughts.

She could feel Chloe’s breath on her neck as the red head moved her head slightly to rest it more comfortably on Beca’s shoulder. She could feel Chloe’s arms tighten around her and pull herself impossibly closer. She could feel Chloe’s leg draped across one of her own. Thoughts swarmed her mind. Logic was telling her she needed to move. She needed to put some distance between her and Chloe. She was far too drunk for this type of temptation. 

She knew that compared to Chloe, she was a lightweight and they had drank basically the same amount, so logically she should be far drunker then Chloe. 

However, even though logic was trying to make itself known in Beca’s mind, it just simply wasn’t working. 

No matter how much she knew she should move, she couldn’t. Physically she just couldn’t make herself move away. Laying like this, with Chloe draped over her, she just wanted to live in the moment. Not care about anything at all, but allow her mind to simply shut up, watch the stupid Christmas movie, and have Chloe there with her. 

“I want to kiss you.” Beca could have sworn she heard those words leave Chloe’s mouth. She could have sworn that Chloe had just said that to her, but no… No, that’s not possible. Chloe wouldn’t say that. Why would she? 

Determined to chalk it up to her own imagination, Beca didn’t say anything. Because Chloe didn’t say that, it was just Beca’s drunkenness playing with her mind. 

She believed that, until it happened again, and this time there was no denying it. 

“I want to kiss you.” Chloe stated, this time louder, more determined. 

“What?” Beca turned her head slightly, looking at Chloe. In the darkness of the room Beca couldn’t make out very many of the girls features, but she could tell that Chloe wasn’t joking. The look on her face was serious, honest. “What did you just say?”

“I want to kiss you.” Chloe repeated for the third time. 

“What? No, you don’t.” Beca shook her head, anxiety began to bubble in her heart. “You’re just drunk.”

“I am drunk, yes. But I still want to kiss you.” The red head stated, still not breaking into the laugh that Beca just knew was coming. 

“Stop, Chlo. This isn’t funny.” The musician protested. This wasn’t funny. It was cruel of Chloe to play with her feelings. 

“I’m not joking, Bec. I want to kiss you.” She stated again. Beca’s heart wanted to believe the red heads words, but logic still screamed in her mind to just drop it. 

“Why?” Beca asked, trying to figure out what the hell her best friend was playing at. “Why do you want to kiss me? You don’t feel the same way for me as I do for you.”

“Because you deserve to be kissed.” Chloe stated simply. Beca didn’t know what the hell that meant. Sure the sentiment was simple, but what was Chloe’s real motivation behind the words. 

“You don’t want to kiss me, Chlo.” Beca stated, she turned her head back to the tv, willing Chloe to just let it go. 

“Yes I do. I wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true.” She explained, still pushing the issue. 

“Chloe, stop.” Beca sighed. “You’re straight and you don’t feel the same way for me. Just stop it.”

“But I could.” Chloe stated, her words not entirely making sense to Beca’s inebriated mind. 

“Do you?” She asked, turning her head. 

Her and Chloe’s eyes met. Both just looking at each other. 

Beca took in a shaking breath, not sure what the hell was happening. 

She was about to open her mouth to talk when Chloe’s lips crashed against her own. Beca tried to push away and out of the kiss, her mind was screaming about what a huge mistake this was. She and Chloe were finally back in each other’s lives, this did not need to be happening right now. 

But just like earlier, when her mind told her to move, she couldn’t. At least not away. In fact, Beca sank into the kiss, moving her own lips to match Chloe’s pace. 

The kiss was messy and all over the place. Chloe’s hand snuck its way up and came to a stop at the back of Beca’s neck, pulling her in slightly. She quickly deepened the kiss, causing Beca to moan at the new contact. 

Her moan seemed to bring Beca back to reality and she pushed away. “Chloe, stop. We can’t do this.”

“Why can’t we?” Chloe asked, she sounded like she truly didn’t understand the problem. 

“Because, I can’t lose you again. I just got you back in my life and I’m not going to fuck that up.” Beca explained. 

“Shut up.” Chloe whispered as she leaned in and kissed Beca again. Beca’s mind continued to protest, but her body seemed to be listening to her heart. 

She continued to kiss Chloe back, not bothering to think about what a terrible idea this was. 

Everything seemed to be going by in a fast-forwarded pace. Some moments seemed to go by slower than others but for the most part Beca’s mind couldn’t keep up with the actions. 

One moment they were laying on Beca’s couch and the next they were in her room. Chloe sat on the bed and she pulled Beca toward her, reconnecting their lips. 

Soon their clothes were thrown haphazardly across the floor. 

Again, Beca’s mind seemed to return to her as Chloe’s hand connected with her breast. Her head screaming that this needed to stop. They could not do this!

“Stop.” Beca ordered. Chloe halted her movement but didn’t remove her hand.

“What?” Chloe asked, she bent down and kissed the side of Beca’s neck. 

“Chloe, we can’t do this.” Beca huffed out, leaning into Chloe’s kiss against her better judgement. 

“Just let go, Bec. It’s okay.” She wanted to believe Chloe when she said it was going to be okay. She wanted to just let go and enjoy the moment, but her anxiety was screaming at her. This is not a good idea!

“I can’t. Chlo, we can’t. I don’t want to lose you and I know you don’t feel the same way about me that I do about you.” Beca explained in a jumbled mess of words. 

“Beca, you deserve to be loved.” Chloe stated and continued her movement. 

Beca was about to protest again but it died in her throat as Chloe’s lips wrapped around a rather sensitive spot, the protest was replaced by a low moan. 

* * *

* * *

Beca’s eyes snapped open. Her room was dark and there was an arm draped around her naked midsection. A dull headache already drumming its way through her head and nausea was beginning to build as well. 

Beca looked over to see a naked Chloe laying beside her. The arm laying across her, belonging to the red head. 

A surge of anxiety rippled through Beca. The realization and the remembrance of what happened crashing through her, each memory delivering a more crushing blow then the last one. 

_This is it… Our friendship won’t come back from this._ Beca’s mind began to race. How had she allowed this to happen? 

Chloe’s words continued to flow through Beca’s mind as well. Especially one particular phrase that confused her just as much now, as it had the first time it left Chloe’s mouth.

_You deserve to be kissed._

_You deserve to be loved._

_You deserve to be kissed._

_You deserve to be loved._

The phrases repeated in Beca’s mind over and over again, trying to make sense of their meaning. Chloe was straight. She was extremely adamite about that fact.

She was straight. Thus, romantic feelings towards Beca were impossible. So, this was just sex to Chloe… Right? This was just sex to her… Nothing more. 

Beca’s eyes slammed closed. Her breathing began to come in and out erratically, she began to feel as though she couldn’t breathe at all…

Her mind races and all she could do is chastise herself for being so damn stupid! This was all her fault. Things were going to blow up and it was all her fault… She should have stopped it. She should have made Chloe go into the guest room. She should have gotten up the second Chloe kissed her and just simply gone to bed.

God, she shouldn’t have drank that stupid vodka… Nothing good ever happens when you drink vodka!

Beca knew she was having a panic attack. She knew she was freaking out and it wasn’t going to be good. 

But fuck… what the hell was she supposed to do right now? Things could not have gotten more messed up…

Then the thought of the morning, when Chloe woke up, crashed through her mind. How was she going to react? Was she going to freak out? Was she going to pretend like nothing happened at all? 

If Beca was in Chloe’s apartment, she would be leaving right now. She would be getting out of bed and just going. 

Cowardly? Yes. Necessary? Yeah, kinda…

But she wasn’t at Chloe’s apartment; she was in her own. Running away wasn’t an option. 

“Go back to sleep,” Chloe mumbled, breaking Beca out of her train of thought. 

She turned to see that Chloe’s eyes were still closed, but the red head moved herself closer to Beca and mumbled something incoherently. 

Maybe… just maybe this wasn’t going to be the end of their friendship… Maybe.

 _It’ll be okay._ Beca told herself, not sure if she actually believed it or if she was just trying to trick herself into believing it. 

They were going to be okay. Maybe.

* * *

* * *

Beca sat alone in her kitchen, staring at a random spot on the counter. 

She’d been up for about an hour. Chloe was still asleep in Beca’s bed. The brunette hadn’t really been able to fall asleep after she’d woken up, so here she was, avoiding being in the same room with Chloe for as long as possible.

She was so lost in her thoughts; she hadn’t even heard the red head enter the room. 

“Beca…” Chloe’s voice startled Beca out of her thoughts and almost out of her chair. The brunette looked over and noticed that Chloe was now wearing her old sweatshirt, the one she’d given to Beca before she moved to LA.

“Hey, you’re awake.” Beca observed. She got up to pour Chloe a cup of coffee.

“Yeah… How long have you been up?” She asked. Chloe seemed a bit apprehensive. Beca had never really seen her like this. 

“I’m not sure. Like an hour.” Beca explained. She put the cup down in front of Chloe, who thanked her as she took a sip. 

Beca felt as though there were a giant elephant in the room. One that neither really knew how to address. Beca’s mind was going crazy though… What the hell was she supposed to say? How did she bring it up?

“How’s your hangover?” Chloe asked, breaking the silence. 

“It was pretty bad when I first woke up but it’s not too bad now.” Beca explained. “You?” 

“I’ve got a headache, but that’s about it.” She stated. 

“I’ve got some Advil, would you like some?” She offered to which Chloe nodded her head. 

After getting the medication Chloe and Beca sat in relative silence. The awkwardness that filled the air was palpable. So much so you could cut it with a knife. 

Beca’s need to know ‘why’ became so great, she couldn’t hold it in anymore. She couldn’t let Chloe go back to New York without knowing the truth. 

“What the hell happened last night?” Beca asked, breaking the silence. 

Chloe didn’t look up to her, she kept her head down. “What do you mean?”

“Seriously?” Beca blurted out, not even bothering to hide her frustration with the situation. 

Chloe looked at her. “Beca, it was just sex. We’re grown ass adults who had consensual sex.”

Beca felt as though she’d been punched in the gut. “Just sex? That’s all it was for you?” 

“What did you think it was?” Chloe asked. Beca didn’t know if she was meaning to be an asshole right now or not but she definitely was. 

“So, you had sex with me, just sex, even though you knew how I felt about you?” Bitterness filled the question. “And you thought that was a good idea, why?”

“Beca, I thought you were over it.” Chloe defended herself. “I thought it was just sex.” 

The brunette just stared at Chloe for a moment, unsure what to say. How the hell do you respond to that? 

“I’m sorry that wasn’t clear to you, Beca. But you didn’t ask.” Chloe stated simply. She was acting so unattached to the moment, causing Beca to hurt even more.

She could at least show some kind of remorse for what happened. 

“I don’t even know what to say to you right now.” Beca stood up and walked away from the bar counter. 

“Oh come on, it doesn’t have to mean anything.” Chloe sighed in frustration. 

“Maybe not to you! But to me it did. God Chloe, how can you not understand that?!” Beca practically yelled. 

“You can’t be mad at me because you attached feelings to that.” There was a humorless laugh in Chloe’s tone. One Beca wasn’t used to hearing. “If you didn’t want to sleep with me Beca, you could have left me on the couch. You could have kicked me out of your room. You could have told me to stop.”

“I did!” Beca screamed, anger flashing across her face. “Multiple times! Do you remember your response? First, you didn’t stop! Second, you kept spewing some shit about how ‘I deserved to be loved’, whatever the fuck that means?! How am I supposed to get ‘this is just sex’ from that kind of a statement?!”

“So you’re still in love with me?” Chloe asked, ignoring Beca’s statement. 

“You fucking knew that!” Beca huffed in disbelief. “I told you last night I did.”

“You already know I don’t have feelings for you like that, I’m straight Beca.” Chloe explained. 

“Then why have sex with me in the first place?!” Beca asked in confusion. “Like if you aren’t into women, why would you fuck me?”

“Because I was drunk and lonely.” Chloe stated simply.

“That’s it? That’s all it was to you, a drunken one-night stand?” 

“Dude, I was drunk off my ass and not thinking right,” Chloe tried to counter. 

“And I was thinking right?! That excuse doesn’t work one way, Chloe. I drank just as much as you did.” Beca’s tone was exasperated. “And compared to you, I am a light weight.”

“I said I was sorry, what more do you want from me?” The red head ran her fingers through her hair. 

“Did you say you were sorry? I must have missed that.” Sure, Beca was being a snarky bitch right now, but she felt like she had the right to be acting like this. Chloe knowingly played with her feelings. Drunk or not, Chloe should have known better. 

“No matter what I say, you’re going to treat me like the asshole.” Chloe huffed. 

“Maybe that’s because you’re being one.” Beca spat. 

Chloe looked at her in disbelief. “I thought we were going to make our friendship work.”

“Well it sure as hell isn’t going to work when you’re just going to disregard my feelings like that.” Beca huffed. 

“Beca, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.” Chloe seemed to realize just what Beca was talking about. Finally understanding what she was saying. 

But maybe it was too late. Maybe all of this was just a hopeless, irreparable mess. 

They weren’t okay. 

And they weren’t going to be. 

Not after this.

“Chloe, I can’t do this. We aren’t ever going to be able to fix this. So, I’m going to go stay with Stacie for the day. I’ll leave you some cash for a ride to the airport.” Beca stated. She walked over and put on a pair of shoes. 

“Beca, don’t go!” Chloe called out. She walked over to where she was standing. “We can work through this. I’m sorry. I don’t want this to be how we end our friendship. I’ll do or say anything just don’t leave. Don’t give up on us, Bec.”

Beca closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears at bay. Crying in front of Chloe was the last thing she wanted to do right now. She turned to the red head, and noticed tears filling the other woman’s eyes. 

“You’ll say anything to get me to stay? Are you sure about that?” Beca asked. “Because the only thing that’s going to get me to stay, is for you to say something that I know you’ll never say.”

Tears streamed down Chloe’s face. 

Beca knew she was being just as cruel as Chloe had been, but she was hurting, and she was angry. 

“If you can tell me you love me, I’ll stay.” Beca stated. 

Chloe just stared at Beca, unable to say anything at all. She just stood there, tears streaming down her face. 

Beca could tell that Chloe was sorry. She could tell that the pain was real for her too. That the remorse was truly there. 

Her eyes shimmered from the tears. 

Beca pulled out her wallet and placed a few bills on the table. 

“Goodbye, Chloe.” She stated before turning and walking out of the apartment. 

She wondered if she heard Chloe whisper. “Wait, Bec.”

But she didn’t stop to find out.

She wasn’t okay and stopping to make sure Chloe was wasn’t on her radar right now now.

* * *

**Two Day’s Later**

* * *

Beca wasn’t an alcoholic. She really never drank by herself. But this… this was different. This was harder to deal with and she needed her good ole friend Jack Daniels to help to get over it. Because right now, feeling emotions just was not a thing she wanted to do. 

The pain that came from sleeping with Chloe, and knowing it meant nothing to her was far worse then losing Chloe the first time. Because the first time, Beca knew she was to blame. She couldn’t be mad at Chloe for not reciprocating her feelings. But this…

This was different. 

Chloe did this. She had sex with Beca, knowing exactly how she felt… Chloe fucking knew and she just didn’t seem to care.

Knowing that the person you’re in love with so blatantly doesn’t give a shit about your feelings… god even if Beca wasn’t in love with her, that realization would hurt. 

Chloe was Beca’s childhood best friend… to know she thought so little of Beca’s feelings… 

Beca decided that was enough thinking and took another long swig of whiskey. 

She’d been sleeping in the guest room for the last two nights, not able to go into her room. To be in the place it all happened. So, she lay on her guest bed, tears streaming down from her eyes, at a never ending pace, as she took yet another long drink of the amber liquor. 

“Beca!” A voice called from somewhere in the apartment. Beca wanted to ignore the voice. Maybe they would go away. “Beca! Where are you?”

She recognized the voice, she just couldn’t think properly enough to figure out who it was though. 

The door to the room opened a few minutes later, allowing light to leak into the once dark abyss. 

Beca slammed her eyes shut, not wanting to see the light. Her head hurt from consuming nothing but booze for the last 48 hours. 

“Oh, Beca.” Stacie sighed as she walked into the room. She took a seat on the side of the bed. “How much have you had to drink, hun?” 

“Stacie! You came for me!” Beca slurred out in a sudden rush of joy and excitement. “I thought everyone forgot about me.”

“Nope, I’ve been calling you for the last few days. Emily told me you haven’t been to work.” Stacie explained, her tone taking on a lighter, more caring manner. 

“Nope.” Beca said with a slurred pop of her ‘p’ causing spit to fly everywhere but she didn’t care. She was too drunk to worry about it.

Stacie nose wrinkled as the smell of Beca’s breath assaulted her sense. “Becs, how long have you been drinking”

“What time is it…” Beca asked shaking her head as if to say, I don’t know.

“It’s 3pm.” Stacie explained. 

“Um I think since like 10…Today. I don’t know about yesterday.” the shorter brunette explained. 

“Did something happen between you and Chloe? Did she call you or anything?” Stacie asked, knowing that Beca was in a rough place right now. 

Beca hadn’t told her everything that happened, but she had put enough of the puzzle together to understand that whatever had happened, it had been bad. 

“Ha fuck that bitch!” Beca stammered out. “She can go fuck herself.”

“I know.” Stacie sighed. She was angry that Chloe would blatantly hurt Beca, but she didn’t know the full story and she didn’t want to judge a situation she didn’t understand completely. 

Beca put the bottle back up to her lips and took another drink. 

“Okaay, can I please have the bottle of whiskey, Becs?” Stacie asked but didn’t wait for an answer from Beca, who was too drunk to even try to stop her.

“Give it baaaack,” Beca whined as her hands flailed around in the air, no real purpose or coordination to their movement. 

Stacie tried to stifle her laugh and walked away with the bottle. She went and put it back in the kitchen before heading back into the guest room. 

“Come on, we need to get you in the shower.” Stacie explained. Beca needed to sober up. She was going to have a hangover from hell but the sooner she got the booze out of her system, the better.

“I don’t think I can stand up.” Beca explained attempting to sit up but only got half-way before she fell back against the bed again. 

Stacie shook her head and walked over to her, “Give me your hand.”

Beca did as she was told, and Stacie effortlessly pulled her up.

“Wow… I don’t feel so good…” Beca explained, her face turning pale as soon as she was on her feet. 

“Don’t you dare puke on me, Mitchell.” Stacie threatened sternly and quickly moved them into the guest bathroom.

As soon as Beca’s knees hit the floor of the bathroom, the content of her stomach was expelled into the toilet. 

Stacie sighed as she held back Beca’s hair, trying to calm her, as each violent retch shook through her body. 

Once Beca stopped throwing up and Stacie was able to get her cleaned up and changed into new clothes, Stacie got her into her room and into bed. 

“Stay…” Beca mumbled. Stacie wasn’t used to see such a vulnerable side of Beca. She nodded her head and sat down next to Beca. The shorter girl leaned in and put her head on Stacie’s shoulder. Tears began to fall from Beca’s eyes.

“Hey, don’t do that.” Stacie tried to comfort her. “What are you thinking, Becs?”

“I want to hate her.” Beca cried softly. “I want to hate her so bad.” 

“I know…” Stacie pulled her arm around her tighter. “It’ll be okay. I promise, it’ll get easier.”

“What if it doesn’t?” Beca’s voice came out broken, almost as broken as she looked. “Am I unlovable?”

“Beca stop, that’s not true.” Stacie sighed. “You aren’t unlovable. You just loved the wrong person. Someone who couldn’t see how incredible you are.”

“I don’t want to love her.” She stated. “I wish I could like… unlove her…”

Stacie nodded her head, “You might never fully be able to ‘unlove’ her, but it will get easier. I promise it will.”

“I hope so, Stace.” Beca mumbled as she slowly drifted off to sleep in Stacie’s arms. 

Stacie looked down at the form of her best friend and felt her heart broke for her again. It sucked to see Beca so hurt. 

But this was Beca. She was strong, and she would get over this. No matter how hard it would seem at first.

She was going be okay. 

* * *

**2 Years Later**

* * *

Being in love with your best friend didn’t always have to be a difficult position. That is as long as they aren’t straight. Beca had learned this lesson in the last, nearly, 4 years. She had learned that sometimes not everything goes the way she wanted it to go. But in the end the result is better. 

Beca still loved Chloe. She knew that there was always going to be a part of her that did. Chloe would always be the first person she ever was truly and utterly in love with. 

But Beca wasn’t in love with Chloe. Not anymore. 

It was a painful, slow process. One that conjured up a lot of tears and many drunken nights wallowing in self-pity. It wasn’t the process of falling out of love with

Chloe, but the process of learning to love herself that was the truly hard part. 

But she did it. 

She forgave Chloe and she forgave herself. 

The two former best friends hadn’t really spoken since it happened, other than a few random texts here and there. But for the most part, they had moved on from each other. Beca hoped that she was happy. She hoped that Chloe knew that she would always hold a special place in Beca’s heart. 

But moving on, learning to love herself, it made her realize just how truly incredible someone in her life was. How much they’d stepped in and helped her. 

“Hey babe, I got the mail.” Beca turned around from her spot at her mixing board and smiled as her girlfriend walked into the small in-home studio.

“Anything exciting?” Beca asked as Stacie looked up and smiled at her.

“Actually, there’s something here for you.” The taller brunette stated as she leaned down and kissed Beca softly. Beca smiled into the kiss, the warmth of kiss, the familiarity of her girlfriend’s lips. It didn’t feel like coming home, it was home. 

Once Stacie pulled back, she handed Beca a letter. 

Looking down she saw her name written out in a beautiful scrawl of calligraphy. There on the return address she saw her name. 

_Chloe Beale_

Why was Chloe sending her something? 

Beca could tell Stacie was watching her, not out of like being jealous or anything, but concern. 

She turned the envelope over and opened it. Realization hit her pretty quickly for exactly what this was. She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her lips. She saw the picture and immediately felt overjoyed for the red head. 

“What is it?” Stacie asked, curiosity lacing her question.

“She’s getting married.” Beca explained. She looked up and smiled at her girlfriend. 

Stacie moved over to take a look at the card. 

It was a picture of Chloe, whom she recognized, and a blonde-haired woman, she’d never seen before. A flash of confusion passed over Stacie’s face. 

“I thought she was straight?” Stacie stated, unsure how Beca was happy about this news and not absolutely pissed. 

Beca was reading the card that accompanied the invite. 

“I guess she’s not as straight as she once thought.” Beca mumbled, still smiling. “She looks so happy.”

Stacie looked at her girlfriend with a raised eyebrow. “You’re not mad?”

Beca looked up at Stacie, “Why would I be?” 

“Becs, she broke your heart.” The taller woman pointed out. 

“Yeah, and you helped me put it back together. Why would I be mad at her for finding someone who she loved and who loved her back?” Beca asked. “She would have no right to be mad at me for being hopelessly, head over heels in love with you, now would she?”

Stacie stared at Beca in amazement. “You’re not at all hurt by her marrying a woman, after swearing up and down to you that she was straight? Like not even a little?”

“Stace, I knew the moment we slept together she was in denial. But it’s not my job to point that out to her.” Beca explained. “She had to come to terms with that on her own. She wouldn’t have slept with me if she had been straight. You don’t just sleep with people simply because you’re drunk. It doesn’t work like that. She was trying to work through her own thoughts and feelings.”

“So her using you doesn’t piss you off?” This was the first time Beca had ever told Stacie any of this. She of course wasn’t 100% certain that this was the actual case, but she had a pretty good idea that’s what was going on.

“At first, yeah it did.” Beca nodded her head. “But Stace, I’ve moved on. I have you, someone who loves me and whom I love. Who Chloe loves and marries isn’t really up for my commentary.” 

Stacie looked at her and just shook her head. “You’re something else, Beca Mitchell.” 

Beca laughed at her girlfriend and pulled her in for another kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” The words rolled off of Beca’s tongue with ease. A smile slipping across her lips. 

“Her fiancé looks grumpier than even you.” Stacie pointed out, looking down at the name. “Aubrey Posen. Her dad’s a general apparently.”

Stacie pointed at the name and Beca rolled her eyes. “You’re a dork.”

“But I’m also your best friend.” Stacie pointed out.

“Nope, you’re the love of my life.” Beca corrected. 

So yeah, being in love with your best friend didn’t have to be a difficult position to be in. Her and Stacie had made it work because they were both in a place and time in their life to do so.

Beca was finally, truly okay. And so was Chloe. 

They may not be in each other’s lives anymore but they were okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and for going on this journey. This is probably one of my most favorite stories I've ever written.   
> Sometimes the way a story goes is not the way we thought we wanted. But in the end, you'll be okay.  
> (Also I did not intend for this to turn into Steca but I like it so I hope you enjoyed the lightness at the end. I probably wont write more Steca but it just fit.)  
> Thank you again for reading! Feel free to yell at me on my tumblr: becas-bluebiird  
> Don't forget to leave a comment as well :)

**Author's Note:**

> Song in fic Dancing on my own by Calum Scott (some pronouns were changed)  
> Also Beca and Chloe's ages at the beginning of the story are Beca: 20 Chloe:21


End file.
